The life of Fredrik

I had "the talk" with Justin today. It was wonderful.  Like

Me "Hi nutcase!"
Him "aw, hi sweetie. whats up?"
me "uhm.. ALOT. I think I have some as news...."

him "really? what?"

me "I wont apply for visa, cause.. uhm.. it looks like i'll get to see a gender therapist already this fall/winter" him "omg. a gender therapist? thats SO awesome!! I am so happy for you.."
me "oh yeah.. and i've met someone.. you remember Immanuel?"
him "oh yeah.. yeah, I do. Thats cool.. so, does he like you back?"
me "yeah, well.. yes. yes he does"
him "aaaw.."

*lots of "i loooove yoooou"'s and "i just want you to be happy"s and "you are my bestest friend in the whole woooorld"*

Me "so, like.. i mean, the distance isnt fair.. and since im not going to canada it will be hard for us to actually have a relationship.. and now there's Immanuel.."

Him "yeah, like.. I love you but i think its a smart idea to.. go back to being best friends"

 Me "ahuh..."

*he updates me about his life*

me "anyway, so.. you're not mad at me or anything like that?"

him "no no no! Im happy for you, I promise!"
me "alright. Imma.. go"

him "aw, right, okey. I love you.. cheekkisses!"
me "aw. i love you too."

I am so happy right now.

I cant describe it.

 *pokes immanuel*

<3 

I'm finally starting to calm down. My life is not so chaotic anymore. Ive made a choice. I'll stay in Sweden. I want to see a gender therapist here. I want to start HRT here. I want to work with RFSL Ungdom and hang out with the all the fantastic people here. Besides, I also think I've found someone special.. <3

It feels good, but also sad. Sad because this means I have to call Justin and sorta break up with him. Its not fair for to have a relationship like we do. It works when we're just friends, but I dont think any of us would manage another year or longer like this. perhaps  its possible for us to try again sometime later, when our lives are more stabile and we're ale to live in the same country? perhaps.

rant rant rant.

Amanda came out as HtS yesterday. Human to Snail. It was weird and a bit creepy, but I will help it (Amanda wants us to say "it") through it. I will crush its bones and give it a life supply of lube so that it will be able to pass as a snail. I'm such a good friend. I dreamt about it tonight. We were walking around.. and, erm, eating sallad.

 Uhm.. yes.

My life is really weird and intense right now. I dont really now how to describe everything. There are so many things going on at the same time that Im not able to focus. Ive lost some of my motivation and Im having hard time remembering things.

 Today Ive been hanging out with Anas, a.k.a the cute palestinian boy, we ate strawberries and went shopping. It was nice. We discussed Swedens immigration policy and zionism as well as lgbtq  rights and homophobia. He's interesting.

 I think ill write a longer blogentry later.

im supposed to work :P

haha.

xoxo